SAHM

Yesterday was your first day with a stay-at-home-mom. I'm not sure you noticed the difference. For the first three months of your life I've been pulling in a paycheck, toting you along to the office when I needed to be there for a meeting and getting ready for the big move. You have been with me constantly, albeit sometimes staring at a computer screen for too long or being passed from hand to hand at Sojourners. But today I found myself employed only by you; the pay isn't great but the fringe benefits are pretty good.

We dropped your dad off at work for his first day as a staff attorney at Atlanta Legal Aid, he beat the other attorneys in (a good sign I think) and the three of us walked across the courtyard for coffee while we waited for the office to fill. Then we kissed him goodbye and drove back home to begin our adventure. You slept, read, took a bath (you kicked like an Olympic swimmer), walked around the neighborhood, ate a lot and were carted up and down the stairs in the laundry basket which you seemed to think was fun. Then we picked your dad up from MARTA and came home to celebrate his first day with champagne and a nice dinner at Food 101.

During the day I discussed with you the mixed feelings I have about being a stay-at-home-mom. I can think of no other place I'd rather be than laying with you on the living room floor doing push ups and reading the Squishy Turtle book that you love so much. But it's strange to have gone to work everyday for the past several years imagining that I was preparing for a career and just when it was beginning to fall into place, I left. I was raised to believe that as a girl/woman I could do any job I wanted to do if I worked hard enough. I will raise you to believe the same thing. Does this mean that you should work your way through school, find a job you love and then leave it to raise your daughter to believe she can do anything she wants? I don't know...

What I do know is that to be with you everyday, watching you smile and grunt and learn new things (sometimes it seems by the minute) feels like a tremendous gift. Can I change the world by loving you, teaching you and keeping your bum dry and free from rashes? Who knows? Maybe so.